The Beauty of the Feminine

People have wondered at the name of my blog, arguing that one cannot be feminist and feminine. Well, I'm here as living proof; I am one of those feminists who loves anything feminine, and I love the things about being a woman that make me unique. Some say that embracing our femininity leads to the continued inequality between men and women; I counter that it can only lead to our empowerment.

Do I think that men and women are really that different? Well, I definitely think that we are MUCH more similar than people like to believe. But I most definitely don't believe we're identical, as some feminists would like to argue. I think that there are certain wonderful qualities that women, on average, are more prone to possess, just as I think there are certain great qualities that men, on average, are more prone to possess. Of course, I'm also a big believer in individual differences, so I never say, "All men are like this, or all women are like this." I recognize that many men have qualities that may typically be described as feminine (my husband and my uncle are two of the most nurturing people I know), just as many women have qualities that can typically be called masculine. Nor do I ever say that it's an either/or issue; it's not as if by utilizing her feminine qualities a woman can't utilize her masculine ones. Good lord, I am probably one of the most nurturing people you'll ever come across (a typical feminine quality), but I'm also one of the most assertive (a typical masculine quality), especially when it comes to issues I'm passionate about. So these two aspects do not have to be contrary to each other.

As you can see, I'm more of a believer in the spectrum; we all (no matter what our gender) possess both masculine and feminine qualities, but some qualities are more obvious and better utilized than others, depending on whether we are male or female. Do I think this is nature or nurture? Well, I think it's probably a combination of the two. The point is, I don't think using our feminine talents or qualities is anything to be ashamed of; it's only society that says these qualities are inferior to those of men. That assumption could not be further from the truth.

To be honest, I have never quite understood those feminists who abhor anything feminine and go out of their way to emulate men in any way possible. To me, this isn't advancing equality for women. True equality for women comes from saying, "Yep, men and women are different [although not nearly as different as society makes them out to be] and each have their strengths and weaknesses. All human beings, regardless of their gender, deserve equal educational, social, economic and political opportunities, because they are human beings." By women trying to be more like men (whether in appearance or attitude), it's not truly advancing the noble cause of equality. Instead, it's saying, "Women deserve all the same rights as men...... as long as they look/act/think like men." How on earth is this equality? The implication here is that women are inferior, so they have to "step up the ladder," so to speak, to become more like men, who are superior. What woman in her right mind would advocate that?

I've had disagreements with other feminists on this issue, and they truly can't see my point of view. So let's put it another way. Say I'm black (I'm white, by the way, but just go with me on this), and I demand equality for blacks. I argue that blacks have too often been put down, oppressed, and marginalized in society, and I want that to change. All of this is well and good, right? (And I do truly feel this way). But then imagine that I go on to say, "In order to get equality, we must look like white people. Bleach your skin, straighten your Afro, and make sure you talk just like white people. The only way to get ahead is to ignore our heritage and mimic theirs." People would be scratching their heads, saying, "Why would they deny themselves and their uniqueness like that? Why would they ignore the very wonderful things about their heritage and culture? Do they not think that black people, in and of themselves, deserve the same opportunities as the rest of us? Or do they only think that white people, or those who strive to emulate white people, deserve equality?"

That's what I feel like whenever I see a woman who denies her femininity in an obvious attempt to be more masculine. Now, I'm not one of those who says that all women should wear makeup, dress a certain way, etc. (I, in fact, am most definitely NOT like that). No, I'm talking about the women who ignore the very aspects of ourselves that make us, as women, unique, and try to become as much like a man as possible. In doing so, they're saying that only men, or those people who act like men and despise anything feminine, deserve equality. And that is most definitely not the case.

The feminine is a very important and crucial element of our society (as is the masculine). Our feminine traits are nothing to be ashamed of; they are to be praised. We deserve equality because we are women, not in spite of it.