Another Pet Peeve

Yes, I have many :) Anyway, I was watching TV the other day, and a couple had just been married. When they entered the reception, the best man said, "And here's Mr. and Mrs. JOHN Doe."

Now, I really don't care one way or the other if women take their husbands' names. I don't see it as some sign of oppression if women do (I understand the desire to have the same name as the husband and kids), nor do I think women are somehow "rebelling against or rejecting" their husbands if they keep their maiden name (I totally understand the desire to maintain your pre-marriage identity). So it's not the actual taking of the husband's name that bothers me.

No, what irks me is when a married woman is referred to as Mrs. JOHN Doe. She took his last name; she didn't take his first, for crying out loud. Does she no longer have a name of her own? It's a demeaning tradition steeped in the Victorian era, when the married couple was assumed to be, in the eyes of the law, one person (and that one person was the husband). So, you had Mr. John Doe, and then you had his wife, Mrs. John Doe. How degrading, how insulting, to be considered little more than an appendage, just because you renounced the single life for the married life! In the eyes of society, you are no longer an individual with your own ambitions, personalities, etc.; instead, you're just a man's wife.

Now, let me clarify that I love marriage, and I think that there is something so beautiful about the coming together of two people who truly love each other. And I think that being a wife (and a husband) is a very important calling. But to diminish a woman's entire essence to being her husband's Mrs. is ludicrous. The husband is still the same person he was pre-marriage. His name, his titles and society's perception of him do not change with marriage; why should the woman's? Trust me, even if men, as a general rule, took their wives' names, I can guarantee that NO ONE would be calling them Mr. Jane Doe. Why? Because men are still individuals in the eyes of society. So why isn't this the same for women?

Women can take their husbands' names or keep their own; I really don't care either way. But to allow yourself to be called Mrs. John Doe is just a symptom of the deeper issues prevalent in society; i.e., women are defined by their men, while men are defined by themselves. And this needs to change.